Hey all.

I've been a bit absent here recently. There are two reasons for that. The first is that school just got back in. The second is that I was trying to get a job.

School so far is fantastic. But the job I had in mind, the one I really wanted, fell through. In point of fact last week kind of kicked the shit out of me all around. But I'm not here to complain - just to explain my absence, and a few other things.

So now I've got to change my plan a bit. I still have a job - technically I have two - but they're not bringing in enough to pay my bills. So I will be job hunting for the next little while.

That said, I've decided to really push myself hard in regards to my writing. The classes I'm taking are bloody fantastic, like I said, and they're really motivating me to seek out new topics to write about. Add that to the fact that I just found out my website host expects payment after the use of 20 pages and I finally bit the bullet. I've made a livejournal exclusively for my writing. You can find it here:

http://scribesanctuary.livejournal.com

Until I get a job with regular hours and start making money again so I can pay for my website, all my writing will be posted to ScribeSanctuary. Really, it's better this way - I don't really have a big enough following to warrant my own website yet. I just had it from a long time ago and decided to do something with it, but I didn't know about the 20 page limit. But that's fine; with any luck it'll sit there for however long I need it to.

There's nothing at the writing journal yet, but over the next couple days I'll be posting things there, so keep an eye on it. Other than that, I'll be job seeking and writing in my spare time. We'll see what October brings.

I just want to say thank you to those who have friended me, and anyone else who pops by. I appreciate the time you take to check in on my life, as boring as it might be sometimes. I'm not the best at getting back to people, but I'm making a concentrated effort to get better at that. Thanks for your understanding and continued support.

Onward and upward.

~ Ry

Hey all. Here's my first stab at writing Star Trek Reboot! fanfiction. It's Kirk/Spock, it's in two parts, and it's also my first foray into writing potentially non-con situations. It took me a helluva long time to work up the courage to post this; thanks to Sarah for giving me the kick in the pants I needed. XD <3's to you, babe.

So, without further ado, here we go.

Title: To Regain Equilibrium
Author: Ry (tenshinokira)
Fandom: Star Trek 2009
Pairing: Jim/Spock (established relationship)
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jim discovers further implications of a Vulcan bond.

Warnings: violence, mental instability, illogical behaviour, rough!sex in a cave


( Part 1 )

( Part 2 )

... I would like to make a few things perfectly clear.

Sexism is a product of power.

Racism and homophobia are products of fear.

No matter what your current views are, it is your duty as a human being to educate yourself before you make judgements, insofar as we can make judgements against our fellow humans.

Always, always remember... power and fear. Fight them. Fight them to your last breath. If it was you on the other side, would you want people to say such terrible things about you?

~ Ry

I’ll be the first to admit I don’t know a lot about politics. I haven’t voted in any election yet, even though I’m 20, because I don’t feel I can make an informed decision. I haven’t learned enough; that’s why I’m in school. I would rather be able to make an informed decision than vote in ignorance and take away my right to hold government accountable.

I knew there was a Universal Declaration of Human Rights, but I hadn’t read it or anything about it. I thought it was a work in progress, that it was still being decided. This semester I’m taking a Human Rights and Religion course and I found out that the Declaration has been around since the fifties. It’s the first thing in the coursepack. I read it on the way home on the bus and couldn’t believe my eyes.

It’s all there. Every right for every human covered in thirty articles. Clear, succinct, with very little room for error or misunderstanding. Everything I have been fighting my whole life to understand about the world, neatly summed up in a three-page document. And it was written in the fifties, which says a hell of a lot. The human experience as it should be in a nutshell, right there.

Then why the FUCK are we still fighting ourselves!!??

I have more to say on this. A lot more. But I must study further, and wait for the blind, indignant rage to subside.

I do not write about Sunie very often. We are somewhat private people in that regard; I always do my best to protect the sanctity of our lives in my writing. But I have long known something about Sunie that I want to scream to the world. So here, just once, is that scream.

Sunie is actually a saint in disguise.

I know. I could hardly believe it either. I searched everywhere for her white saintly robes, but she must have hidden them really well because I can’t find them. Those new pillowcases of ours are suspiciously heaven-fresh though.

I’m a selfish person. I know it. She knows it. Every day I get up and prepare myself for new, unknown anxieties. But in the back of my mind I know I’ll be okay because Sunie has stayed up late the night before compiling a list to combat each and every one of those anxieties. She doesn’t have to; just waking up to her kills most of them.

She’s got this patience that you really wouldn’t expect from a Gemini. I can be panicking and flailing all over the place and she’ll just talk soothingly at me while she gets my arms into the straitjacket so I don’t hurt myself. And then she’ll feed me chow mien and we’ll watch The Boys^TM together. I’m never happier than when we are in the same room, endless free time stretched out before us like a smorgasbord at Denny’s, courtesy of family gift cards. God, I love gift cards.

But the best part, the part that makes me go all gooey like a cookie too long in the microwave, is that she accepts all my little quirks as part of who I am without question. She can watch me come in the door already ranting about work or school or giant fuzzy attacks and not bat an eyelash. She gives me exactly what I need, though; indignation on my behalf, understanding, a smack upside the head when I’m being an idiot. The works.

I know I don’t make it easy. What with my being as sick as I have been, Sunie has had to take on far more responsibility than is really her due. It’s not fair, and I feel terrible about it. But I have plans. Oh, do I have plans. Mostly to stop eating us out of house and home. I really should make myself a ration list.

Sometimes I’ll tell her stories just to make her laugh. I love how we can so much as look at each other and know what the other is thinking. I can forgive her for being disorganized just like she forgives me for being a stick-in-the-mud, because both of us would fall apart without the mud and the mess in our lives.

Sunie can’t wash a dish to save her life, but she’ll tolerate me hanging over her shoulder saying ‘You missed a spot’ without braining me with the soapy frying pan.

I am so, so grateful for that.

So things have been sliding down toward the beginning of school. I spent a lovely four days with N. We visited the castle and wandered downtown so she could see the harbour and all the quaint little stores that I so love. Took the ferry over to the mainland, stayed in a hotel, got sushi and saw a blues band play live at the Yale. It was a wonderful visit and I was very glad to see her. It brought into rather stark clarity just how different we are, but we talked about it and decided that our differences are the best thing about our friendship. She’s a party girl; I’m completely not, but when we’re together we meet in the middle, and we always have a good time. I’m extremely grateful for her friendship.

I’ve been reading an old journal of mine from high school. It’s really no wonder I had such trouble with people in my childhood. I was so fake. I didn’t know how to articulate myself properly, and I feared being rebuked on all sides. It really took moving out and starting university to get my mind into a place where I could just be myself. I’m so glad I was shoved off that cliff – instead of falling like I thought I would, I flew.

It’s funny, though, to read my words from high school and hear my younger voice in my head. I have to laugh at myself. I was so fucking pretentious I’m surprised anybody wanted to talk to me. Now I have Sunie to smack me upside the head when I get too arrogant. I welcome it. She keeps me balanced.

I’ve been doing laundry by hand because our washer is broken. I feel a little like a pioneer, and my hands are two big permanent wrinkles, but it’s kind of nice at the same time. I feel like I’m making progress on something. By the end of today I should have at least half my wardrobe clean, and I’m discovering clothes that I forgot I had. Really nice sweaters and such. I can’t wait to wear them again. I also bought a new coat. It was on for a really good sale price, so I indulged. I needed a lighter weight fall coat anyway.

School this year is going to be awesome. I have the exact same schedule as Sunie for the first term, which means we’ll be able to coordinate our schedules for the first time since we moved in. I’m seriously excited about this. And we can do our homework together because it will be the same homework. There’s so much I still have to learn, but I feel like my writing has made huge progress over the summer. I hope my profs agree with me. XD

This weekend is going to be ridiculously busy, so I’m trying to get a bunch of stuff done today and tomorrow. I just wanted to offload my thoughts a bit and give my page something new. I’ve got a few new fiction pieces to post. They’re still being edited. I’ll post again when they’re up.

Time to get back to the laundry.

How has your summer been?

~ Ry

So.

A lot can happen in 24 hours. On August 11 I posted a journal detailing the awesome events of the day. At 7:19 the following morning, August 12, I received a call from my father to tell me that my last surviving grandmother was dying. Talk about an emotional roller coaster.

I spent the 12th and 13th waiting. The song is true – the waiting is the hardest part. My mother called me while she was heading up to my aunt’s house and we talked. She was very calm; calmer than me. It takes a lot to make my mother cry. I bawl at everything. I’ve always admired her for her strength. She told me Nan had been staying with my aunt for a month. I didn’t even know. I felt terrible that whole day. I should have called her more. I should have been able to get home in time. But I couldn’t because I don’t have enough money for an insta-trip. Some days I wish I wasn’t a student. My sister was there and I wasn’t. You could slice the irony like foccacia bread.

No, that’s a lie. I’m glad my sister was there, for my mother, for Nan. And the Sisters came together, so it’s not like there was a lack of people. I was always a bit afraid that Nan would be alone when she passed, in the home by herself. But she wasn’t. She was in the hospital with family around her – that’s the important bit.

At 11:05 pm on the 13th I got a text from my sister telling me Nan was gone. She was 89. In a way we were all relieved. I know it sounds terrible, but god, she had such a full life. This woman, along with her twin, was the matriarch of a huge, mostly female family. She survived a World War and breast cancer twice. She moved countless times because her husband was in the military, raised five girls and lost a boy, got a divorce and had to give her youngest girl over because of the court ruling. She enjoyed her grandchildren like nobody else I know, and she spoiled us rotten when birthdays and Christmas came around. She was a true grandma in every sense of the word. I don’t know about you, but I think that’s pretty fucking awesome.

I remember sitting in her apartment, playing Pick-up-Stix on the floor with my sister while my mother and Nan talked at the kitchen table. I remember she always had cookies for us, even when she was no longer able to make them herself. I remember Aunty, Nan’s twin; they lived in the same apartment for the latter years of their lives, until they became too infirm to care for themselves. Then they both moved into the same home. Aunty died three years ago; Nan wasn’t quite the same afterward. You can’t spend your life connected to someone so intimately and not lose part of yourself. She hung on, though. She was very strong; stronger than a lot of people knew.

She was a hypochondriac. When I was born she praised God for letting her live long enough to see her last daughter have children. When my sister was born she said the same thing. Every Christmas she’d say ‘God willing I’m here next year,’ as though she expected her end to come around the corner any minute. I think God knew that the world needed a woman like her just a little while longer.

She lived to see me graduate and move out on my own. She lived to see her great-grandchildren at the party we held on her 80th birthday. She lived to see the new millennium, something that our generation is taking for granted. Most importantly, she lived. I hope I reach her age, because from this moment on I plan to fill my life with as many experiences as possible.
Her last gift, at least to me, was to be the example I needed. I’ve recently been feeling lost, like I don’t know where I’m going or how to get there. But now I hear her voice, in a throaty whisper like she used to use when she’d take me aside, grip my wrist and say, ‘Now let me tell you something. When you get to my age...’

Nan, when I get to your age, God willing, I won’t be half as awesome as you.

Rest in Peace, Jean Holmes
1920 - 2009

So, today is officially awesome.

Got up kind of late after a dream where I was watching a space shuttle come down in a field. The army men wanted me to stop taking pictures. I told them I would edit out the serial number before I posted them anywhere. (Because they just knew I was going to.)

/dream

Had some cereal and was fiddling around on the internets when there’s a knock on the door. I made Sunie go get it because she was wearing pants. Knock turns out to be a package for me. New clothes and some of my old books and files, courtesy of my mother. My tornado file was in there. I think I created that when I was seven. Kept it all this time. I have tornadoes in my dreams a lot now. I’ve always had this weird fascination with them.

Skip forward a couple hours. By now there’s stuff strewn all over the place and I’ve been admiring my new shirts and trying to write a bit. Knock on the door again. Sunie is a real sweetheart. I need to give her hugs, because she understands me so well. She brought back another package – this one from my wonderful cousin on the east coast. It had a book and a letter in it. I read the letter first, squealed so hard to find out she does actually speak most of the languages she said she did, and read the first two chapters of the book in one go. It’s really interesting; short stories about social injustice and the problems of society. I can’t wait to read the rest of it. I need to write her back tonight. My cousin is amazing.

And then there was a new Cityverse fic, which made me squee in all kinds of ways. Sunie’s been playing with bitty!Pavel, her new EeePC. It’s adorable and blue. And has Pinball on it! I missed Pinball when I got Vista. Why the hell doesn’t Vista have Pinball??

Then we went to get doughnuts, only I had to go into Timmy’s by myself because Sunie had to go to Thrifty’s. I got a six pack. Of doughnuts. Yes. <<;

Tonight we’re going to see the boys and eat leftovers and doughnuts. I can’t wait. :3

Denziel’s fic is coming along really well. That’s why I’ve been too busy to write journal entries. Since we figured out that the story wanted to be written in first person it’s been going a lot more smoothly. Denz has been talking at me for a week straight and I’m filling in huge chunks of fic. Still need to figure out if the second part needs to be a whole different story or not. I haven’t decided yet.

Also, timeline stuff is weirding me out. My poor brain can’t handle it all.

I’m excited for school to start. It’s going to be mostly writing this year and religion and sexual health. All topics that I’m interested in. I want to get out of the house. I want to go to classes and have a proper schedule. I want to write and be published and do things for the newspaper. I might even start running again, if I can convince my stomach that it’s a good idea.

But I don’t want to speed up the time either. I’m enjoying this summer a lot. A friend of mine is coming out on the 18th to visit. I’m excited to see her too. And there are still things to be done before the school year sets in.

I hope everybody else is having an awesome summer too. Drop me a comment and tell me how it’s been. ^_^

~ Ry

I'm back. :3

Comp is working nicely, though I've got updates like you wouldn't believe. O.o Didn't even know there was an Internet Explorer 8. I think I was still on 7. Not sure how I feel about it; it's a little more boxy than the last one. But whatever.

I have music again! *sobs in relief*

*cough* Right. So. Updates. Umm... writing a few things for the newspaper, as well as the SEE forums. (More on that in a later post.) Haven't drawn anything or... anything really, and the reason for that is I've been doing a helluva lot of reading. Got through Kushiel's Dart, FINALLY, and then read Scroll of Saqqara and Stranger in a Strange Land back to back. Heavy stuff, but I love it. It's given me enough of a boost to get back to my own writing, in a big way. So we'll see what comes of it.

I'm hoping to get the first part of the Jakfic done before the end of the summer. It should be fun times. :3 I'm srsly stoked. On top of that I'm planning a bunch of new sections for the site, and I'm going to start drawing a proper map of Kiramina. (That'll be a big project, considering things keep getting added, but I think we're in an okay place to start, at least.)

So that's where I am right now. Oh, just finished a huge work week, too, so the next jobs aren't until August. Yay for having free time!

Anyway. I'm off to start working on a pile of stuff. I can't say enough how much I love being a writer. And now, I finally feel like I'm making a difference. God, life is good.

Love to you all,

~ Ry

Short post today to let you know that my comp is in the shop and I'll be offline for (hopefully and God willing) a couple days at most. If you want to contact me, send an e-mail and I'll reply as soon as I can get to a computer.

This has been a public service announcement, brought to you by the phrase 'I hate computer viruses. With a passion.'

Okay, so that's two phrases. Sue me. XD

Cheers,

~ Ry

So.

Last journal ended up being a bit of a lie. Truth be told, I haven’t sat down and done some proper journaling in a long while. I’m getting out of practise. Since the rest of this week is my last chance to get some things done before work gets stupidly busy again, I decided to actually take a break from writing, make a list and do it. So far I’ve made… well, a bit of progress, at least. But I still haven’t sat down and unloaded my thoughts properly. So for the next six days I’m going to attempt to write at least one journal entry a day. It might be an online journal, or it might go into my private one. I might even end up writing one of each type every day. We’ll see what happens.

As the title suggests, this particular entry will be generally random thoughts while I try to get back in the groove of journal writing.

( On Movies and Critics )

This is getting ridiculously long now, so I think I’ll stop. If you read all of that (wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t), thanks for sticking with me and keep an eye out for further updates. I’ve got a few things in particular that I want to address. Should be interesting times.

Until next time, then.

~ Ry

Stolen with love from sarahsan.

Name fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you, and don't take too much time to think about it (the first fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes). Copy this into your own post.

This is interesting. Let's see what appears. I'm going to add my own notes, just to make it a little more interesting.

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett (my favourite book of all time)

Kushiel's Dart by Jacqueline Carey (the first book to make me bawl in something like five years)

River God by Wilbur Smith (absolutely glorious imagery of Ancient Egypt)

The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton (the first book I ever enjoyed enough to buy that was required reading for school)

Scroll of Saqqara by Pauline Gedge (freakin' creepy book, man, go read it; it's like a mystery)

Lost in the Barrens by Farley Mowat (how I learned to survive in the North - literally)

The New Diary by Tristine Rainer (revolutionized the way I journal)

The Society of S by Susan Hubbard (not your average vampire book)

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald (I don't even know why; something about it just had me hooked. Probably the lavish lifestyle the characters led)

Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein (gave me part of the foundation for my current set of beliefs)

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho (gave me the other half of the foundation for my current set of beliefs)

The Hobbit by J.R.R Tolkien (I read this right through when I was seven years old, and the only word I couldn't pronounce was paraphanalia - but I still knew what it meant)

The Swiss Family Robinson by Johann David Wyss (another book that taught me how to survive in the wild; figuratively, of course, but I did use a lot of the teachings in it when I was at camp)

Hamlet by William Shakespeare (I know, it's a play, but I do love the language and the characters)

The Merchant of Venice also by William Shakespeare (and again for the language and characters. Also for the kickass court scene at the end.)

Is that fifteen? Yes? Good. Whew, I had a bit of difficulty with that. However, I attribute that not to a lack of reading, but because I only chose those stories that truly have stuck in my head, and that I can remember enjoying the most thoroughly. Such books are rare and far between, it's not surprising that I had to think about it.

On a more personal note, apologies to those who have left comments with me, and to whom I've not replied yet. Work was rather busy last week and I'm still in the process of catching up. Don't worry, I'll be sure to reply as soon as I can. Thanks for your patience.

~ Ry

Work today was... strange. I felt so lightheaded this morning I honestly thought I was going to throw up. (I've told Sunie and my friends... if I ever do throw up, send for an ambulance, because it'll mean something is REALLY wrong.) I hate getting sick at work. I feel like I'm being so unfair to the other members of my team, like I'm making them work while I'm slacking off. I know it's irrational and I shouldn't feel so guilty - I can't help my illness, or rather, I'm helping it as much as I can. But I still feel bad about it.

When we got back to the hotel I had a nap and felt much better. At dinner I had a BLT and sipped lemon water on the patio. My colleagues and I talked of vice and family. They're lovely people, but none of them can really hold a conversation. I find most people nowadays can't. It's like tennis, but without the ball; you're supposed to hit the ball back and forth, give and take, but every person now only hits their opponent over the head with their racquet. No finesse, no grace, no tact, no patience. It's a damn shame.

The room is cooler than it was last night. I'm sitting here now, watching Fred Astaire dance on a ceiling and writing a bit. Not a lot, but a bit. The room is a single - I have my own couch and a reading chair, a queen bed and a view of the mountains. I feel very comfortable and rather grown-up. Strange that I should still 'feel' grown-up when I AM a grown-up. Not that twenty can really be called 'grown-up.' But it's a pleasant feeling all the same.

~ Ry

EDIT: And now Singing in the Rain is on! =D It's rare that I miss TV, but it seems I lucked out tonight. :3 Donald O'Connor! *tries not to squee and fails*

Last night I managed to fill in the first chapter on the Jakfic - I'm at 19,693. Not that wordcount has anything to do with it, really, but I like to keep an eye on it. If the number is going up, it means I have something to work with, raw material I can edit. I know that number will change. I hope that number will change, and change, and change, until the story is ready and doesn't need to be changed anymore.

Sitting here reading Neil Gaiman's blog. Wonderful stuff. The man is a genius, a dark god of fiction. Reading his words makes me want to write. He's done it. He's a true writer. He talks about the Writing Stuff headspace, about walking his dog and finding inspiration in photographs and colleagues' minds. Some of his entries begin so beautifully it makes me want to e-mail him and say 'Yes. You understand. You know what it means to be one of us. You get it. '

I'm heading up to work in roughly an hour. Three-hour drive and then a hotel stay, and then I'll be earning money for the next two days. I'm excited. It's been awhile - I need to get out of the house, refresh my brain, think in a different light. I need to sit in the back of a van and watch the world roll by through tinted sunglasses, spend time in my own Writing Stuff headspace and thank God for the life I'm living. I'm so blessed. So very, very blessed.

See you all when I get back on Tuesday.

~ Ry

Finally just decided to do it the old fashioned way. It's actually much faster than mucking around with the Rich Text thingy and it'll help me practise my HTML coding.

A bit of a foray into writing something faith-based.

( Fiducia - An Ike/Pit Oneshot )

Okay, well, just tried to make a post and Livejournal cuts aren't working again. Am I doing something wrong here? I just cut and paste whatever I want into the cut, right? Then why does it always muck up the entry?

Argh. Anyway, new oneshot is up on the website and will (hopefully) be up here soon as well.

Edit: Hey, guess what? I'm an idiot and forgot I can just post a link to my story here. lol. Where IS my brain these days?

http://www.freewebs.com/kiramina/fiducia.htm
If you don't mind popping back in and leaving a comment here afterward, I'd appreciate it. This was a bit of a foray into writing description with minimal dialogue and I'm not sure how it went. Thanks.

Okay, so. The last time I posted anything was on March 11. Ouch. BUT, I have good reasons, trust me.

I have a new job doing inventory work with a company that does that job exclusively. It’s a lot of fun and gets me good hours while still giving me enough time to myself, which I love. Unfortunately it took me most of April to get used to the timing of it all – I have to get up ridiculously early some days and that definitely took a toll on my body for awhile, but I’ve gotten used to it by now. Things are going well.

The good news is that my schedule is scattered. I work maybe two, three days out of any given week and spend the rest of the time off. It’s given me TONS of time to get writing done. Even better, since I’m trying to save up my paycheques I’m not really going out, so I don’t have an excuse not to write. As a result, I’ve got a one-shot drafted and another in the works, I’ve broken 18,000 on the Jakfic, I’m setting up an interview with two of my characters (just because I’ve never done it before and I think it would be fun) and I’ve also been doing a ton of prompt charts that I found on Livejournal. In short, huge word counts are happening. A lot of the stuff is still raw material, but as my next job isn’t until Wednesday of next week, I will be spending much of this weekend editing stuff for posting.

Whew. Busy busy. But yes, that is why I haven’t been online very much lately. Been on a roll with producing things for your (and my) reading pleasure. :3

That and I’ll be working on a couple pieces for the paper. It’s almost June, and I haven’t done anything for them in a long while. Should really get on that.

Ahem. Anyway, that’s the story. Keep your eyes peeled for new material coming soon, both here and at the website. If I get everything else finished early I might write a proper rant for my journals, just to have something on the front page. We’ll see what happens.

Till next time, then.

~ Ry

Ha. Funny this question should show up now. Go see my previous journal - I'm not typing that rant out again. XD

Here's the rant to go with the previous entry. Fake cut because it's uber long.

( I'd like your opinion on something... )

I have a bit of important news. Many people will think me daft for doing this now, what with the economy the way it is, but things have become perfectly intolerable at the Store, so I've quit. Believe me, I would much rather have stuck it out, but I am of a mind to begin freelancing anyway, so what better opportunity?

Besides, I have enough for a few months of rent and food, and a couple of good prospects besides. I'm not worried; the economy may be crap, but people are always going to need help at something, and I have quite a few skills I can put to good use.

So that is my major update for this week. Stay tuned while I try and figure out which direction I'm headed in.

"Where one door closes, a window usually opens." ~ Can't recall who said that, but it's how I feel.


~ Ry

[Double-posted to deviantart.]